Normal Thoughts

• Did I cause the death?


• Will the rest of my family die?


• Who will take care of me now? 


• I'm all alone now.   


• Half of me died.


• I'm different from all the other kids.


• I'm not a child anymore. 


• I feel left out.


• Things will never be the same again.


• No one cares about my grief, only about my parent's grief. 


• I can't cry because it will make my parents more upset. 


• Why wasn't it me? 


• Will I die young too?


• I made it happen by wishing. 


• If I act like my sibling, maybe may parents will feel better. 


• Maybe my parents would love me more if I died!

• Impatient and angry at the world.


• Resentful over the attention the parents are getting. 


• Resentful over the attention they are not getting. 


• Resentful over having to do more around the home.


• Fearful of having to replace the sibling


• Guilt about feeling relieved about the death after a long illness.


• Guilt over all the "bad" thoughts, words, and fights with the deceased.

• The bereaved parents should constantly remind themselves to be sensitive to the feelings of the surviving children.


• The parents should strive to maintain as much of a normal routine as possible for the survivors.


• The parents should encourage grieving, openness and the expression of feelings in the children by grieving openly and expressively in front of them.


• Reassure them that they are not going to die, too.


• Reassure them that they are loved, wanted and okay.


• Reassure them that they did not cause the death in any way. Give lots of physical reassurance in theway of touching and hugs.


• Contact the teacher/teachers or school counselors.


• Ask them what and how they would like the school to be told.


• Prepare them for questions and remarks they can expect at school.


• Encourage them to resume their normal activities at their own pace.


• Remember the sibling's birthday and anniversary of the death.


• Remember the sibling at special family gatherings and functions.


• Don't be afraid to talk about the child that died.


• Talk about all the qualities of the child that died--positive and negative.


• Talk about the differences between the siblings--good and bad.


• Don't promise them a replacement sibling with talks of having another child.


• Remember: surviving siblings cannot become, or replace, the deceased brother or sister.
  



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