"My Sister, Kathy"
I can only hope that somehow my sharing of my feelings helps someone,
maybe even me as well. For the past 12 years, I have felt a void in my life.
Since my sister, Kathy, died in a car accident in May 1989.
It was two weeks
before I was to graduate. I remember seeing her only a week or two before,
and calling her earlier that week.
On the day she died, I had been cruising round with some
friends when I saw my oldest sister, Kym, and she told me I had to go to the
house. "Why?" I asked. She wouldn't say. I got to the house only to see
everyone's faces. Knowing something was wrong, I looked around to see if
anyone was missing. At that moment someone spoke, "There has been an accident.
Kathy is dead." I can't remember who exactly said those words. As my knees
gave out, my mind became absent, and I knew my life would never be the same.
She was after all my best friend. We had been through so much together. I
was a recovering alcoholic (at 17). Needless to say, I fell off the wagon for
a bit. I was in shock for months it seemed. I cried so much it hurt. IT DID
HURT! I became angry. "WHY !! ?? WHY!! ?? Take me GOD! She was so much
better than me. She never hurt anyone!! Please!! I'll do anything !!" To no
avail. I lost my faith. I don't understand. I grew up in a
mentally/physically abusive house with my 4 siblings: Kym, Kathy, Kelly, and
Adam. Of which only Kathy and I had the same father, (who abandoned us when I
was 3). She was 20 years old. For 20 years, she had been a rock for
me, burdening my troubles as well as her own. To this day, I feel a deep
sense of loss; every holiday, anniversary, birthday, wedding, every time I
get depressed. I miss her profoundly. Coming across this web site has
helped, just knowing that someone else understands. I don't believe I'll ever
have closure, as I have too many open wounds to heal, and sometimes it seems
hopeless to try. But I'm hopeful that someday, somehow I'll wake up and
realize that its all been a nightmare. And I'll say "goodnight Kath".
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