One of the most troublesome results of losing a sibling is that you feel powerless. In a flash, your power is robbed from you. Reading and actively using bibliotherapy can help you get some of that power back. As you gather information, identify language and feelings that define what happened to you, you begin to gain some mastery of the experience. Your attempt to understand what you read and effort to compare and contrast it to your experience creates new, hopefully beneficial ways of thinking and feeling.

For bereaved siblings, some of the benefits can be to:

• Give you a vocabulary about the subject of sibling grief and sibling loss
  
  
• Gather information about sibling loss in general
  
  
• Help you work through your experience by giving you an opportunity to compare and contrast your experience with that described in the book
  
  
• Help you identify and name your feelings about the loss.
  
  
• Reduce your feelings of isolation as you recognize characters who remind you of yourself
  
  
• Give you a sense of perspective about the level of resources and support available to you at the time of the loss.
  
  
• Let you "go back in time" by observing a character who is the age that you were at the time of your sibling's death
  
  
• Help you see that your negative emotions, such as jealousy and guilt, are normal
  
  
• Let you see how the loss impacted others (which you may have missed if you were numb after the loss.)
  
  
• Learn how other bereaved siblings adjusted to the loss.
  
  
• Make it easier for you to tell your story, and to place the experience of loss within the story of your life.
  
  
• Provide catharsis, or the release of buried emotions.
  
  
• Encourage insight and self-awareness.
  
  
• Help break up stagnant ways of thinking about your experience.
  
  
• Stimulate your own creativity
  
  

               One difference between simply reading and bibliotherapy is that of intention. You purposely choose the book because you believe it may solve a problem or facilitate healing. Since you are practicing bibliotherapy instead of just reading the book, follow these four basic steps: 1. Hoping 2. Reading 3. Evaluating 4. Creating

Hoping

Reading

Evaluating

Step three is the most important part of the exercise.

                Think about what you have read and give it some time to sink in. Then talk about it with a therapist, spouse, or trusted friend. Evaluate the book from the point of view of the story of the loss AND as a piece of written material. You may, for example, find the surviving sibling's story to be thought provoking, even though you think the writing is terrible. You may have enjoyed the inspired language in the book, and yet found the story of loss to be unrealistic. With your listener there to support you, compare and contrast the story with your experience, and ask yourself what you have learned from the book.

If you like, use the guidelines here during the evaluating phase, by completing the following sentences and adding others:

1. Before I read the book, I hoped________________________.
   
   
2. The character with whom I identified most was ___________ because___________________.
   
   
3. My experience differed from that of the surviving sibling in the book because_______________________________________.
   
   
4. My experience was like that of the surviving sibling in the book because____________________________________________.
   
   
5. The way the surviving sibling (and the family in the book) changed as a result of the loss was______________________ .
   
   
6. The way I changed (and my family) after our loss was_______.
   
   
7. Now that I realize how young (innocent, naïve) I was at the time of the loss, I___________________________________________.
   
   
8. I'm sorry that________________________________________.
   
   
9. I wish that __________________________________________.
   
   
10. Talking to you about this feels___________________________.
    
    

Creating

               Finally, try to bring some closure to your work with the book, perhaps by a creative effort of your own, such as drawing, painting, or writing. If you can't think of any ideas for this stage, use one of these.

1. Even if you stopped drawing at the age of 8, draw a picture related to the book, or to your own experience. Use callouts (comic strip balloons) and put in what you were thinking or what you said.
   
   
2. Make a list of words that described your feelings about the book and make them into a poem.
   
   
3. Make a collage from magazine pictures to illustrate some aspect of your experience.
   
   
4. Write a letter to the author of the book (which you don't have to send) and tell him or her about your story and how the book connected to it.

              If you are ready to get started, go on to the booklists, and find yourself a book!

      For further information, email the Sibling Connection.