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Bibliotherapy for Bereaved Siblings
What is it? How do you use it?
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Bibliotherapy means using
the reading of books as a way to heal yourself, gain insight, or
solve a problem. Although it is often associated with "self-help" books, any kind of book,
fiction or nonfiction, can be used. Bibliotherapy is a dynamic process, by which I mean
that you meet the author in the pages of the book, and, as you read, a dialog begins to take
place between the two of you. You interpret what you read in light of your own
experiences, and thus become a part of the book. |
CAUTION:
This kind of reading may bring unresolved feelings to the surface. Make sure you have
emotional support available to you when you undertake bibliotherapy. |
One of the most troublesome results of losing a sibling
is that you feel powerless. In a flash, your power is robbed from you. Reading and
actively using bibliotherapy can help you get some of that power back. As you gather
information, identify language and feelings that define what happened to you, you begin to
gain some mastery of the experience. Your attempt to understand what you read and effort to compare and contrast it to
your experience creates
new, hopefully beneficial ways of thinking and feeling.
For bereaved siblings, some of the benefits can be to:
- Give you a vocabulary about the subject of sibling grief and sibling loss
- Gather information about sibling loss in general
- Help you work through your experience by giving you an opportunity to
compare and contrast your experience with that described in the book
- Help you identify and name your feelings about the loss.
- Reduce your feelings of isolation as you recognize characters who remind you
of yourself
- Give you a sense of perspective about the level of resources and support
available to you at the time of the loss.
- Let you "go back in time" by observing a character who is the age
that you were at the time of your sibling's death
- Help you see that your negative emotions, such as jealousy and guilt,
are normal
- Let you see how the loss impacted others (which you may have missed
if you were numb after the loss.)
- Learn how other bereaved siblings adjusted to the loss.
- Make it easier for you to tell your story, and to place the experience
of loss within the story of your life.
- Provide catharsis, or the release of buried emotions.
- Encourage insight and self-awareness.
- Help break up stagnant ways of thinking about your experience.
- Stimulate your own creativity
One difference between
simply reading and bibliotherapy is that of intention. You purposely choose the book because you believe
it may solve a problem or facilitate healing. Since you are practicing bibliotherapy instead of just reading the book,
follow these four basic steps: 1. Hoping 2. Reading 3. Evaluating 4. Creating
 Hoping
The first step is an attitude of hopefulness and curiosity.
Surviving siblings are often angry with parents and other authorities who failed them when their sibling died.
Consequently, they may discount any suggestion that comes from an authority, such as the idea that reading a book
can be helpful. Some surviving siblings spend years trying to "get the best" of authorities by proving them wrong.
As much as you can, try to let go of that attitude while you carry out this exercise. To benefit from bibliotherapy,
you need to have an open mind.
 Reading
Step two is to read the book.
You can find most of the books listed here in your library. Read through the book reviews at the online bookstores to help choose a book. Try to find time when you won't be disturbed. Then read the book, taking notes if necessary.
 Evaluating
Step three is the most important part of the exercise.
Think about what you have read and give it some time to sink in. Then talk about it with a therapist, spouse, or trusted friend.
Evaluate the book from the point of view of the story of the loss AND
as a piece of written material. You may, for example, find the surviving sibling's
story to be thought provoking, even though you think the writing is terrible. You may
have enjoyed the inspired language in the book, and yet found the story of loss
to be unrealistic. With your listener there to support you, compare and contrast
the story with your experience, and ask yourself what you have learned from the book.
If you like, use the guidelines here during the evaluating phase, by completing the
following sentences and adding others:
- Before I read the book, I hoped________________________.
- The character with whom I identified most was ___________ because___________________.
- My experience differed from that of the surviving sibling in the
book because_______________________________________.
- My experience was like that of the surviving sibling in the book
because____________________________________________.
- The way the surviving sibling (and the family in the book)
changed as a result of the loss was______________________ .
- The way I changed (and my family) after our loss was_______.
- Now that I realize how young (innocent, naïve) I was at the time of
the loss, I___________________________________________.
- I'm sorry that________________________________________.
- I wish that __________________________________________.
- Talking to you about this feels___________________________.
 Creating
Finally, try to bring some
closure to your work with the book, perhaps by a creative effort of your own,
such as drawing, painting, or writing. If you can't think of any ideas for this stage,
use one of these.
- Even if you stopped drawing at the age of 8, draw a picture related to the book, or to your own experience. Use callouts (comic strip balloons) and put in what you were thinking or what you said.
- Make a list of words that described your feelings about the book and make them into a poem.
- Make a collage from magazine pictures to illustrate some aspect of your experience.
- Write a letter to the author of the book (which you don't have to send) and tell him or her about your story and how the book connected to it.
If
you are ready to get started, go on to the booklists, and find yourself a book!
The Sibling Connection BookList
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