Chelsea's Story

          I am very thankful for this website. It has made me realize that I am not the only one who has suffered a terrible loss. My brother was my everything. His story is hard for me to talk about, but I feel a need to talk about it.

           I guess you always think that you will lose a parent first, or a grandparent...it never crossed my mind that at such a young age, I would have gone through the most horrible thing ever...having to handle the fact that my brother was murdered.

           I am now 23 years old...in May it will be two years since my older brother, Israel, was murdered. I am just now allowing myself to accept it.

           It must have been around midnight in May of 2000, when my cousins from Texas called me and told me to not ask questions, just to call my mom. I didn't accept that, so I asked what was going on. My immediate thought was that my grandparents were in some sort of trouble. I begged my cousin to tell me what was happening.

           He proceeded to say, "Something is wrong with your brother."

          I automatically thought that it was some sort of an athletic accident, because my brother was into extreme sports. I asked what hospital he was in. He didn't want to tell me the truth. Finally, he told me that my brother didn't make it to the hospital.

          I dropped the phone, and started to scream, and fell to the ground clasping my heart. How could this be happening? My love, my only brother, I just saw him for my birthday a few days before… I was in complete and utter shock.

           Then I found out how he died, that he was murdered… not only did he die, but he was savagely murdered.

           My immediate question was, "Who would do such a thing?"

           My brother was only 24 years old. He was the perfect sibling...always there for me...he was so loving, and so beautiful. He had the most bluest eyes...I looked up to him for everything...how could he be gone?

           I ask myself this question daily...I miss him so much that it actually hurts...I never thought that you could really feel pain in your soul, and in your heart, but I know now.

           I have pushed away the truth, because I hate feeling the pain. I had to be the "rock" for my mom...I didn't want her to see my true feelings…I felt that it would just make her even sadder...and I can't handle knowing that I might cause her any more pain.

           I miss him so much. I guess that what makes me sadder is the fact that there will be no marriages, no children, no adult memories. My brother would have made a wonderful father, and uncle, but now, because of a jealous person, he has been taken away from the two people who loved him more than anything...my mom and me.

           The last time that I saw him was when he surprised me for my birthday...he was killed six days later. The strange thing is that when he turned away and waved to me goodbye, I knew… something told me that I would never see him again.

           I have so much anger and sadness that sometimes I want revenge, but I know that my brother would want me to handle it like he would. I want justice for him...he did not deserve this. I just want him back.

           I would like to communicate with other people whose sibling was murdered. Email me at Cheljake@cox.net .

      For further information, email the Sibling Connection.

Copyright © 2000-2005 P.G.White, Ph.D.